Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
