shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
