I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
