Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
