the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
