At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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