I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
