I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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