And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
