I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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