I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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