turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
