gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
