sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
