You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
