I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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