A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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