so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
