You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
