It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
