i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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