how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
