He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
