Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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