I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
