You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
