there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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