i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
