Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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