About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
