did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just made out with a guy for $7.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
