it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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