I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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