Yo dont text me then not text me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
