drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
