you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
