i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
