1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
