The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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