p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
only if we run a train.
done.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
