Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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