Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
