i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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