Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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