I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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