i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Pants are for mortals
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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