I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
a search helicopter?!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
