Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
