I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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