I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
