I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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