I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
