Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
