I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
