well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
