so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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